#(alright this might be a Bit Chaotic considering the number of people in the thread)

[gothamghostwhispers]

As everyone settled in the theater Artem takes a breath.

That’s. A lot of people… people that would be affected probably forever by their mistake….

They steal themselves. No matter how much they want to run away from this, it was their kids out there. It was their friends, and Beaus friends… the people out there were people they talked to, that they cooked for.

They can’t run away from that, from them.

So they stepped out and turned on the projector.

The screen reading: Fae Food and You

“Welcome… everyone” Artem is very thankful their powers don’t work through technology, so no one would feel the projections of anxiety

“Beau and I… have made an error and were unsure of how many of you are affected… I… well… uh just… wait until the end for questions please…? We have a lot to cover…”

And with that, Artem began their lecture. It was chaotic and very obvious that this PowerPoint once had a conspiracy board style of organization.

It starts with the literature surrounding fae food, the historical accounts of its affects, how earthly food tasted different forever and how this drove some into despair, then there was an entire section of the presentation dedicated to the kinds of food that would have been available to the person giving those accounts.

Then they move on to what is fae food in this case?

“Well… we know for sure that food made with fae ingredients would count as fae food”

At this a picture of Artems Rose in its natural state as well as its various edible forms are displayed.

“and it’s possible that food made with earthly ingredients but made by fae hands could count as well but we aren’t sure”

The lecture continues as Artem lays out the proposed experiment:

Everyone is going to try some of the takeout they ordered and see who among them are under the effects of fae food. This would also allow the ones under the effect to know what the difference in taste actually is.

Then they have food Artem made, they made magical food, nonmagical food, and nonmagical food that’s also historical recreations of what was described in their earlier presentation to compare modern food to the food that would cause people to despair after trying fae food.

After that those who have confirmed they are affected by fae food could try some of the food Beau made, some containing artems rose and some not so they could compare that as well.

After rambling the idea Artem trails off and looks to the people before them

[ @gotham-its-too-early-for-this @gothamiiz @riddle-me-this-riddler @the-second-boy-wonder @funnygirlclaire @posts-from-gotham @evandalist-in-gotham @bugboi-of-gotham @bennytheredonethat @flying-graysons-fan @number1-red-robin-stan]

[hidden-otaku-stuff]

Different but the Same (pt. 8)

tw: chaos?, insecurities, discussion of My Hero Academia (spoilers for season 4)

Word count: 2.9k

Rating: R18+/M

Omegaverse AU, Rating: 18+/M

Pairings: Iwaizumi x fem!reader, Ushijima x fem!reader

Summary: An unexpected encounter at the Inter-High tournament tossed you into a whirlwind. Being tugged between two males, two different packs, who will reign supreme in this battle for your heart?

Masterlist | prev | next

ch. 8: Tokyo - Day One

“Name-san.”

“Huh?” Her eyes pried open as she shifted uncomfortably. She had been slumped against Ushijima. 

“We have arrived.”

A yawn interrupted her as she sat up. “Sorry,” another yawn, “Ushijima-san.” 

“It’s okay. We need to get off the bus now.” 

“Right!” She shook her head, standing up and stretching. The bus ride to Tokyo had been long. Despite leaving mid-day and beginning the trip in a rowdy manner, most people had also succumbed to sleep and were just waking up. 

“Sleep well, princess?” Semi teased from behind her, leaning over to ruffle her hair. She playfully nipped at his fingers, pushing his hand off her head.

“Of course, I had the best pillow,” she replied, nudging Ushijima. They disembarked, the Omega helping lead the efforts to unload the luggage while Coach Washijo and Saito left to go check into the hotel. 

“Omega!” Coach Washijo called from the entrance.

“Duty calls,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “Can you make sure they finish unloading, Ushijima-san?”

“Of course.” 

The Omega walked towards the coaches who handed her a clipboard with room assignments and keys. “Pass these out to the boys,” Washijo ordered before he picked up his own bags to shuffle to his own room.

“After everyone is settled, they will be able to go explore Tokyo,” Saito explained. “They know their food budgets, but remind them to keep their receipts. Hotel curfew will be at 10 PM. They must be in their own rooms by midnight at the very latest. Wake-up calls will begin at 6 AM.” Saito shrugged. “Washijo would prefer if they were in their rooms by hotel curfew, but they should be allowed to have some fun.” He smiled. “Take care of them, okay?” 

She nodded, flicking through the papers. “Thank you, Coach. What will you be doing?”

Saito grinned mischievously, “I’ll be meeting up with some of the coaches and we’ll be out late.” He pressed a finger to his lips. “Don’t tell anyone.”

The Omega giggled. “Your secret is safe with me, Coach.” She walked back out to the bus where the boys were loitering around. “Alright boys!” She called, waving them to her. After relaying the important information to the boys, they all split off into their room groupings. (Name) glanced back up at the hotel once again, letting out a low whistle. Of course a powerhouse school like Shiratorizawa could afford such a fancy hotel. 

“Let me carry that.” Ushijima scooped up her luggage, carrying it towards the hotel for her. She blinked, shock temporarily holding her in place. After realizing what had just happened, she ran after him.

“Wait! You don’t have to do that!” She called. Ushijima stood by the elevator, waiting for it to arrive. Semi and Tendou were with him. 

“It’s not a bother.”

“That’s not it,” she scowled. “I’m not even on the same floor as you guys.” She had been placed on a separate floor in order to provide her some space from the team. 

“All we’re doing is dropping stuff off, right?” Tendou interjected, shrugging. “So we can go to your floor, then ours, then out to dinner!” He grinned. The elevator dinged, opening up for them. 

(Name) rolled her eyes, sulking in the corner. There was no sense in arguing with Ushijima, let alone three Alphas.  “Alright fine.” 

****

The Omega sighed loudly as she collapsed onto her bed. (Name) had to admit, she was having a lot of fun with the pack. Considering the issues between Seijoh and Shiratorizawa, she had anticipated more conflict involving her and her loyalties but everyone had been genuinely considerate and inclusive. Of course, the pack was almost as chaotic as Seijoh, if not more.

“(Name)-san! Sit next to me!” Goshiki bounced, patting at the empty seat beside him. The Omega laughed, slipping into the seat. Semi took the seat beside her. Ushijima stood, eyes flashing before he took the seat directly across from her. Tendou sat facing Goshiki and Hayato was across from Semi. The team had decided to eat at a local monja shop, but due to the sheer size of their group, had been split up into separate groups. 

“Man, the food smells so good!” Hayato praised, practically drooling as he sniffed the air.

“It is highly-rated on Welp,” Semi commented, eyes scanning the menu. The Omega glanced around, ensuring that everyone was comfortably seated. Their table quickly placed their orders, leading room for discussion.

“Bakugou deserves to be number one hero!” Tendou argued, hands gesturing in eccentric flourishes. The other boys rolled their eyes, not really following along with the conversation. They were well used to Tendou’s random anime rants.  

“He works hard, but he needs to fix his attitude,” the Omega replied, eyes on her menu. “But Mirio definitely deserved One for All.” 

“Yes!” Tendou screeched, causing heads to fly up and look at their table.

“Tendou, calm down,” Semi scowled. “Don’t get us kicked out.” 

“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” Tendou grinned, throwing his hands up with a flourish only to knock the tray out of the waiter’s hands. He blanched. “I’m so sorry.” 

(Name) face-palmed. “I’m going to go check on the others,” she muttered, standing up and walking away from the table. She approached the table with Taichi and Shirabu, looking for refuge while Tendou scrambled to help clean up the mess that he had made. There, she found Shirabu and Taichi arguing about something and due to their distraction, led to their monja burning. After scolding them, she assigned Reon to be in charge of their table. Of course, once she got back to the ‘mature’ table, she had found Tendou mixing all of the ingredients for all of the different monja types to create a behemoth that ended up burnt at the bottom and undercooked at the top. By that point, she decided to ban Tendou from touching anything and only allowed Semi, Ushijima, and herself to take care of it. Hayato was assigned to monitor Tendou, who had moved on to teasing Goshiki. 

She rolled onto her side, looking at her phone. It wasn’t often that she and Iwaizumi were separated, so it felt weird to be alone in her room. (Name) let out a soft sigh. At least it would only be for a few days. She sniffed her over-sized shirt, comforted by the familiar pine scent that clung to it. 

Just as she was about to unlock it, a video-call came in. She sat up, excited. “Hello?”

“Hey love.” Iwaizumi was laying in their bed, propped up against the headboard as he looked down at his laptop. 

“Haji!” Her grin was massive. He let out a soft chuckle, smiling at the sight. 

“How are you doing baby?” 

She fell back onto the bed, all stress and tension releasing from her body. “I’m okay. We just got back from dinner.” He hummed in response. “How are things back home?” 

“Not bad,” he replied, shifting the laptop to get more comfortable. A pause. “I miss you.” 

His hoarse whisper caused sadness to bubble up. “I miss you too,” she admitted, fiddling with a loose thread on the blanket. “I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without you beside me.”

Iwaizumi chuckled, looking around their bedroom. “Me too babe.” They remained quiet for a moment. She just enjoyed being able to hear his breathing and to see his face. He cleared his throat, “what time do you have to be up tomorrow?”

“6. You?”

“The usual.” Iwaizumi and Omega typically got up at 5. While Iwaizumi was on his morning run, (Name) would prepare breakfast and lunch. Later that evening, the Alpha would make dinner. “I should let you go get some rest. I’m sure you’re tired after all that travel.” 

She pouted slightly, “but I wanna talk to you longer.” 

“You’re such a cheese-ball, you know that?” He chuckled. “It’s okay babe. The sooner you’re finished with your trip, the sooner you’ll be in my arms again.” He glanced at the time. “I’ll meet you on-campus once you get back, okay?” 

“Okay,” she sulked. “I love you.”

“I love you too babe.” She kissed her fingers before placing it onto the camera. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes before indulging her and doing the same. “Good night, sweet dreams.”

“Only if you’re in them,” she chirped. “Good night Haji.” The phone chimed as the call ended. She sighed, letting her phone slip from her fingers as she threw an arm over her eyes. Just as she was about to doze off, a knock at her door shook her away. (Name) stood up, tugging on a pair of sweats. She’d just been in one of Iwaizumi’s shirts and her panties. Her brow furrowed as she opened the door. “Can I help you?”

“Come hangout! The night is still young.” 

Her face scrunched up. “Do you never run out of energy?” 

“Nope!” He grinned, tugging on her hand. “C’mon, Omega-chan. We rarely ever get a chance to hangout.” 

(Name) glanced at her phone. There were still a few hours before curfew. Pinching her nose, she sighed. “Alright, I’ll hang-out for a bit. But I most definitely need to sleep early today, okay?”

“That’s fine!”

She held her pinky up to him. “Promise me you won’t try to convince me to stay later than I want to.”

“I swear!” 

****

Sleeping early ended up being a lie. It was already past midnight by the time she realized how late it was getting. “Tendou!” She shrieked, throwing her cards down. “I should already be in my room!” 

Tendou cackled, looking up at the panicked Omega. “It’s fine (Name). You’re already here, you might as well stay longer.”    

She crossed her arms, pouting. “I’m going to get in trouble with Washijo.” She shivered. The males grimaced. The last thing anyone wanted was to get in trouble with Washijo, who already had a gripe with the Omega. 

“Just a little longer,” Tendou pleaded, kneeling with his lip jutting out as he clasped his hands together. She looked around the room. Semi just shrugged when she met his eyes, and Ushijima had a stoic expression. 

“If I get in trouble, I’m blaming you guys,” she scowled, folding her arms.

“Well, I’m going to head back to my room. Don’t stay up too late,” Semi smiled, ruffling her hair as he stood up. 

“Semi-Semi is no fun,” Tendou complained, crossing his arms before Semi gave a final wave good night and walked towards the door.

“How come Semi can leave and I can’t?”

“Because we like you.” Tendou fired back, smirking. 

“I heard that!” Semi warned, scowling before he shut the door behind him. 

Luckily, Tendou’s energy burnt out soon enough. Within an hour, he was snoring gently into the Omega’s lap as he curled into her warmth. Ushijima sat beside her, looking down between his friend and her. “Are you comfortable?”

She hummed, brushing red locks away from Tendou’s face. It relaxed under her touch, and he wriggled closer to the gentle caress. “I don’t mind,” she breathed, eyes twinkling with affection as she watched the middle-blocker. “He looks happy.” They remained in silence a moment longer. Ushijima took the time to scan the Omega, noting the small details on her face. The way the light caught her eyes, how her hair draped her face. “I’m sorry.”

Ushijima blinked. “What for?” 

“For keeping you up.” Her eyes caught his as she sent him an apologetic look. “I’m sure you’d already be asleep if it weren’t for me.” 

“I don’t mind. I like your company.” Ushijima shifted closer to her, their shoulders pressing together. Tendou shifted in his sleep, a soft sigh leaving his lips as his fingers wrapped around the Omega’s wrist. She lets his fingers slide down and slot themselves behind her fingers, watching silently. “Is that uncomfortable for you?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m used to it by now.”

“Used to it?”

“Mmhm.” Tendou squeezed her hand slightly, pulling it close to his chest. “The Seijoh pack is really physically affectionate.” Ushijima remained silent, a spark of irritation flickering internally. He knew they had history. He knew their packs were different. But still, why? Why did it make him so uncomfortable to think about? His thoughts were interrupted when her head fell on his shoulder. He lurched slightly, head swiveling to look down at her. 

Ushijima shifted slightly, making it more comfortable for her to rest on him. The silence was deafening. He searched for words, anything to distract from the steady rise and fall of her chest. “Do you like it here, (Name)-san?” Silently he added ‘with me’. She tilted her face up, hair cascading off of her face. 

“With Shiratorizawa?” Ushijima nodded. (Name) offered him a soft smile. “Of course. You’ve all been so kind to me, and I appreciate everyone’s efforts to include me in pack activities.” He gave her another stiff nod in response, his eyes shifting back to Tendou as she tilted her face slightly to look up at the  Alpha. “Ushijima-san?” 

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“What for?” 

“For inviting me to be your manager. I’m having a really nice time.” She shifted, leaning more of her weight against his chest. (Name) hesitated. “It’s...been really nice getting to know you.”

“I appreciate you and all of the work you’ve done so far.” Their breathing synced up. His hand slowly moved up, wrapping around her shoulder and carding through her locks. Her eyes closed at the comforting sensation, nuzzling into the caress. “I’m grateful for the opportunity to get to know you.” They sat in silence a moment longer. He ached; he felt like he barely knew her. Rarely had he ever felt odd about something like that, but the almost suffocating silence clung to them too often when they were alone together. Ushijima swallowed, searching for words to fill the stagnating air. “What do you plan on doing after you graduate?”

She hummed, a hand still stroking through the red locks. “I plan on going to university. Maybe Tohoku? Or University of Tokyo. Whichever I can get into.” 

“What do you want to study?”

“Haven’t really decided yet. I’ll probably end up doing business or something.” 

Ushijima’s brow furrowed. “You don’t know?” Ever since he was a child, he had a dream of playing volleyball professionally. Not having a dream or ambition felt odd to him.

She let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, weird right?” She gave him a half-hearted smile. “I haven’t really had a chance to think about my future. I��ve always thought about being a stay-at-home mom, but I don’t think I’d be happy staying at home like that.” 

“Why not?”

(Name) shifted, Ushijima’s arm falling off her shoulder to land loosely around her waist. “I’m used to being out and about as a manager. Taking care of people, y’know? If anything, I’d probably be happier being involved in sports still.”

“You can always be a team manager,” he offered. ‘You could always be my team manager.’

She chuckled, “maybe.” 

Silence fell onto the couple. Ushijima’s fingers brushed against her soft skin, sending a warmth rippling through his body. He nosed her head, breathing in her gentle scent. He remained silent, letting her presence envelope him with the warmth of a summer sun. The spell broke as Tendou let out a groan, rubbing his eyes with both hands while still holding the Omega’s hand. 

“What time is it?” Tendou slurred, sitting up and burying his face into the Omega’s shoulder. 

(Name) giggled, rubbing his back soothingly. “It’s after 2, Tendou. I think it’s time for bed.” Her arms slipped under his armpits, scooping him up. He warbled in distress, clambering onto unsteady feet. The red-head slumped onto her, letting her guide him to his bed. She pulled the sheets back, letting Tendou slip off her shoulder under the covers. The male face-planted, and the Omega tucked him into the blanket, rolling him over so his face wasn’t pressed against the pillow. She brushed his vermillion hair away from his forehead, leaving a gentle kiss onto it. “Good night, Tendou. Sweet dreams.” He muttered a sleepy ‘good night’, dragging her hand down to his face so he could brush his lips against her knuckles. (Name) pulled away, grabbing her coat. “I should head back to my room now.” 

“I’ll walk you.” 

“You don’t-”

“I’ll walk you.” 

She paused before smiling at Ushijima. “Okay.” 

“Give me a moment.” (Name) walked to the door, waiting patiently for Ushijima. He disappeared into the bathroom for a moment, before coming back with a clean, wrapped lunchbox. Ushijima handed it to her, bowing. “Thank you for the curry. It was delicious.” 

She took it back, beaming. “When did you even have a chance to eat it?” 

He opened the door, a hand on the small of her back as he escorted her down the hall. “When you were sleeping.”

The Omega grimaced. “I hope I didn’t cause you too much trouble when I did that.” They waited for the elevator to slide open. 

“I don’t mind. Not when it’s you.” Her eyes focused on the wrap, playing with the end of it as a boiling flush overtook her soft features. They stepped out, making their way to her door. She opened it, stepping in. “Good night, (Name)-san. I hope you sleep well.” 

He nodded, spinning on his heel to make his way down the hall. “Ushijima-san?” She called in a soft whisper, poking her head out of the door. 

Ushijima turned back, looking at her. “Yes?” 

“You can call me (Name), I don’t mind.” 

He hesitated before giving her a stiff nod. “Alright then, (Name).” 

She smiled. “Good night Ushijima-san. Sweet dreams.” 

FUN FACTS

💟 (Name) had started out sleeping on the window, but due to the bumpy nature of the ride, Ushijima had pulled her against him to protect her head

💟 Prior to (Name) becoming a manager, the Shiratorizawa pack didn’t go out much because they couldn’t be trusted to control themselves

💟 The last time Iwaizumi and (Name) had been separated for an extended period of time, she’d almost ended up in Omega depression. Oikawa and the other third-years had to sleep-over with her every night until Iwaizumi had returned from his trip

💟 Tendou had consumed three of the hotel’s complimentary espresso shots  right after dinner

💟 Semi almost broke Tendou’s nose one time when he didn’t get enough sleep. Since then, there was a universal agreement to let Semi sleep whenever he wanted to 

💟 The Shiratorizawa pack wasn’t very physically affectionate, and it would make (Name) miss the Seijoh pack even more. Tendou was the only one who noticed and would take the extra step to be more physically interactive with her 

💟 Ushijima normally doesn’t mind when there’s silence or when there’s one person dominating the conversation. But he gets very uncomfortable when it’s a silence involving him and (Name) 

💟 Though (Name) had been around Seijoh for so long, she wasn’t considered a manager. The Shiratorizawa pack had been so inviting that she feels at home with them

💟 Secretly, (Name) wasn’t sure if she could handle dealing with another pack of volleyball idiots

💟 Out of all of the Shiratorizawa third-years, (Name) was the most protective and mothering of Tendou

AN: I accidentally hit ‘post’ before this was ready, I’m sorry LMAO. Also, I’m kicking off ‘spicewithskye’ today! Please feel free to flood my inbox with thirst asks. Let me know who’s living in your head rent-free :P 

Please feel free to pop into my inbox if you have any questions, comments, or concerns 💞 I love interacting with you all!

Taglist: @sawamooora  @kriswu46 @pantasticalcat @shadowkunoichi @awuariyuh @4lfalfagarlic @kuroowh0r3 @sourapplex @pastelpuffbar @cutepet09​ @michelepiekenma @gywjd0131​ @aideen00 @loudpoetry23 @scrappydaisies @chrisrue15​@aideen00 @mayor-chu-of-many-towns  @ ephemeralninon  

Please contact me via ask or my inbox to join the ‘Different but the Same’ taglist! 💞  Check out this link for information about my taglists.

[book-of-conquest]

[I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m turning anon back off. I don’t think anyone will be sending a message but the mere thought is making me panic. Will be editing this post as I add more under the cut soon.]

Where do I start? How do I explain it? Let’s see.

First of all. I would like to apologize. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Do I seem too excitable? Clingy? Incredulously cheerful over simply plotting or the prospect of interacting or eventhe possibility of shipping? I’m sorry. I don’t try to.

I have been made to feel that people interacting with me is a privilege for me. An honor. Whenever someone considers me plotworthy or shipworthy, I feel like I won a lottery. It’s like pulling a very rare card in one booster pack. It’s like pulling that SSR I wanted in one roll. It’s like getting that natural 20 dice roll.

Why?

Because I don’t feel like I deserve such a thing. My thank you’s turned into I’m sorry’s. Instead of ‘thank you for roleplaying with me’ it instead became ‘I’m sorry. Is it a hassle? Are you bothered? Please don’t force yourself. I’m sorry. Forgive me.’

If anyone noticed, my about page has not been updated much. Some may be wondering, why is my muse being played in such a calm and mellow manner? What’s with all the warnings? What’s with the long guidelines page?

Reiku was chaotic neutral. Reiku was villainous. Reiku was capable of things, terrible things. But he has ‘mellowed’. He was a womanizer. But he has ‘mellowed’. He ‘mellowed’ because I had to make him. I had to mellow him out with the excuse that it came with age.

When I first started Tumblr, I continued it off the plot from where I first roleplayed him. He was desperate to return. Angry against the gods with no care in the world. After going through stage of grief, he simply cared for himself and his own pleasures and what not.

Dark threads were fairly common with me. And I felt lucky to have RP partners that were willing (and often even requested) darker plots. But of course, there were those that didn’t like it.

That would have been fine. If they unfollowed and left, that would be fine. But no, I was made to think that it was my fault. I was made to think that this is how things work.

An OC can’t be better than a canon character.

An OC can’t beat a canon character.

An OC can’t ship with a canon character.

An OC can’t be a villain.

An OC can’t do dark things.

An OC can’t be a hero.

And what happened was... people starting driving away people I want to roleplay with. These days, I try and greet people with waffles, even. Back in those days, I would greet someone with ‘I’m sorry, if anything bothers you at all, please let me know.’ of ‘I apologize if you end up getting bothered by people. I’m sorry.’.

Now, I know that people can be sensitive when it comes to darker things. And believe me, I always always always ask what my roleplay partner wants. Would they prefer a timeskip? Would they prefer to change the direction of the thread? Would they prefer something else? If I don’t get a response, I end up making filler replies to stall until I am sure that the direction of the thread is alright for the other party. I need to make sure that I’m clear. I need to make sure, I’m sorry. I just had to be sure.

Why?

Keep in mind that my muse originally has villainous tendencies. If you unfollow me after this, that is fine. But please let me know if you’ll block me. You see, if you like a person’s post and that person blocks you, it will forever be in your liked post. You can’t unlike it no matter what. And it’s a constant reminder, a constant nagging. You’re blocked. It’s all your fault. BOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD ON THE FLOOR AND APOLOGIZE.

So please, if you’ll block me, let me know first? I can’t... handle seeing those kinds of posts permanently.

Anyway, people started to do campaigns against me. They would see me interact with some people and go message that blog or ‘warn’ them of me.

link

link

And these things confused me. I don’t know why it was happening. Just that it had to be MY fault, right? Because it keeps happening to me only. Other people play villains but they can do things just fine?

So it stuck to me: “It’s because I’m an OC, isn’t it?”

People who knew some of the people going around saying those things go to my inbox to try and comfort me. I was confused but they told me things that I found helped me understand things a bit more.

People were thinking Mun = Muse.

I tried playing a canon character but no, they still went on regardless. No matter what character I tried to play, the moment people knew it was me, it would rinse and repeat.

I don’t see a problem with your RPs, and when I decide to read the entirety of one, I enjoy it. People get upset because they seem to think you force blogs into doing things, which is stupid. It’s not like you can hold them at gunpoint and make them do anything. Jesus people are stupid. Keep doing what you like with your character and fuck the people who don’t like it. I remember when you had a Shen blog and people like… boycotted it because you were running it, and that just reminds me that I hate the majority of the blogs.

people just love to complain way too much and they forget that unless they are the ones getting foreign objects shoved up their butts, they kind of don’t have any room to TALK because THEY/THEIR CHARACTERS are not the ones being violated/broken/whatthefuckever.

And probably the best explanation I got, which I really appreciated from the person that wrote this in a neutral point of view.

I feel, although this is a complete guess, that one of the reasons people react badly to you is because they don’t like seeing someone abusing characters they’ve come to be invested in. One of the biggest conflicts in any roleplaying fandom is between those who want things to be canon and those who are in it purely for fun. When you interact with canon characters, there will always be those who take offence at you ‘torturing, raping and tormenting’ those who they simply don’t want to see that sort of thing done to. Even though you and the other roleplayer are both perfectly fine with what you’re doing, and enjoying yourselves, they turn it into a form of white-knighting and set out to protect the honour of the character in question. I can sympathise with the feeling but I certainly wouldn’t send somebody hate over that sort of thing. It’s a matter of consistency - canonicity within a non-canon universe, if you will. People will always be happy to take advantage of internet anonymity to state opinions that wouldn’t do in plain face and, when you do the sort of RP that you do, there will always be a few who have a sufficient dislike for what you’re doing to get involved. It’s not that they hate you, per se, it’s that what you’re doing is 'wrong’ - not something they can see, or want to see, in 'canon’. In a sense, it’s really not exactly surprising that people would hate someone who had abused or raped a person that they love, is it? Reiku has built up this reputation, deserved or not, and it’s far too easy to paint him as someone who goes around taking advantage of canon characters and leaving them in the dust once he’s done with them. As I’m sure you know, people on the internet often find it easier to hate than they do to simply look away. By doing controversial things, even if they are 'consensual’, you’re going to invite anger from people who don’t want to see that sort of thing happen to the characters they’re attached to. He isn’t overpowered, guilty of powerplaying or being built up as some sort of conquering hero, it’s just that, however infrequent, he’s finding success. Call it the mark of the successful villain, if you’d like, but Reiku is earning genuine hatred because people don’t like seeing him get his way. People call him a Marty Stu, as I see it, because they see him doing things that they really, really don’t like or think he should be able to. Even with his weaknesses, his failings and all the times that he’s been left to suffer alone, it’s always easier to focus on the women, the power and impact he’s left it his wake. Your OC actually gets things done and you RP so much, and with so many people, that he’s seen to have a huge effect all over the place. It simply doesn’t matter that he gets his come-uppance when he’s already seen to have got his way. Like I said: Reiku isn’t really part of a consistent universe so everything he does exists in a vacuum, in essence. You may be treating all his relationships and interactions with equal respect but it’s all too easy to see someone who’s having his way with women from a range of fandoms, even if he’s being shot down more than he’s getting anywhere. It’s just a matter of perception and it’s simple enough to read him as a womanising asshole, who doesn’t give a damn about the women he gets with, and become embittered against him because people simply don’t want to see the canon characters treated that way - even if it’s not what you’re really doing at all. It’s the plight of being an OC, like you say. People usually give far less leeway to OCs because, like it or not, they’re going to read him as someone who doesn’t belong - someone who isn’t on the same level as the canon characters. Reiku is a villain who gets victories, of sorts, over established characters. Whether they’re deserved or not, people are always going to take issue with that.

But I still can’t get it out of my system. I still believe that it’s my fault. I tried playing canon characters but it happened again. So it MUST be my fault.

Until now, I can’t play canon characters. For the life of me, I tried doing so but I was so terrified that I left that blog alone before deleting eventually. I can... only play this OC. I can’t play anything or anyone else.

Every message frightens me. I’m scared. I’m terrified seeing that number pop up on that message icon. The discord/tumblr IM sound makes me jump every single time. I don’t know why I don’t even mute it. It feels like if I did, I might end up flooded without realizing it and the idea of being flooded with messages telling me how I’m a piece of trash that only writes to force my fantasies on people nags at me.

It takes a lot for me to click a follow button, to send a message. That’s why my messages are so... generic. So neutral. Because I’m afraid that I might do something wrong again.

I’ve also stopped suggesting some things. I’m always going to suggest something safe, something that people won’t find anything wrong with (hopefully). I will always ask ‘what would you prefer?’ or say ‘I’m not really sure yet’.

Because I have to be thankful for threading. I have to be thankful for interacting. I have to be thankful for plotting. I have to be thankful for shipping. It’s a privilege that someone like me does not deserve but is bestowed by those who deem me worthy.

Or else, those things might start happening again. Reiku has ‘mellowed’ because if he didn’t, people would hate me again. I can’t have him acting like before nor can I have him display any abilities aside from his tenacity and regeneration. Or else I’m going to lose roleplay partners again and it’s all my fault.

I’m sorry.